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Mother's day for the Motherless

I am a motherless daughter. Just the statement is hard to write. The bond between my mother and I is unbreakable; death didn’t take that away from us. I want to remember my mother; I want to think about her or even talk about her. So it hurts when people deny she existed or deny my loss.

Let me clear up a few things.

  1. No two people grieve or cope the same way. ( even if they lose the same person)

  2. Time does not heal all wounds. I have moments of deep sadness and pain. “After all these years,” she was my mother, and it is okay for me to miss her or to cry for her even after 15 years. Plus, I would like to find the person that coined “time heals all wounds” and send them to the seventh level of hell!!!

  3. It is hard work to be okay for other people all the time, just to make them comfortable.

This doesn’t mean I am bitter or angry ( okay, I admit that #2 is a little bit of an angry statement). No, the opposite is true. I am honored to have had such a wonderful mother. My mother is the most brilliant person I know. She is not physically here, but she lives in my heart, in my siblings’ eyes, and, most importantly, in her granddaughters' smiles. I have learned some amazing lessons from my mother. Here are some things I would like to share.

  • No moment with other people should be taken for granted.

  • Grieve brings some people closer to you and moves others away from you.

  • The present is the most important moment in time.

  • People will surprise you if you let them; look for the good in them.

  • I don’t have time to fight about the small stuff; life is too short. ( No joke.)

  • I am strong and resilient. (I didn’t believe her when she told me I was, but she was right.)

  • As you get older, you learn that mum really is right about 90% of the time.

  • It is okay to cry, laugh, and have silly thoughts all in the same moment.

  • It is okay to want your mommy when you are sad, happy, or mad. No matter how old you are.

  • The last and most important thing I have learned is when people fail you, remember they are human, and forgive.

There wasn’t a day that went by that we didn’t feel or know how much she loved us. When we did something wrong, she would say,” I don’t like what you did, but I still love who you are.” She could always separate the act from the core of a person.

This Mother’s Day, buy your mother some flowers, whether she is here with you in person or in spirit. Remember that a mother’s love is the unbreakable bond, so let those of us that do not have our mothers on this earth celebrate her this Mother's Day too.

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